If you are anything like me, throughout your pregnancy you wondered (on multiple occasions) "How will I know what to do?" Caring for a newborn is like having to care for your most drunk friend who has passed out, shit themselves and is vomiting, crying and needs help changing their clothes and eating food - but 24 hours a day.  Luckily, they are adorable so you don't seem to mind quite as much.

Those first few weeks home from the hospital I was constantly worried that my baby would die suddenly at any moment.  The fear was real.  If she didn't move enough when she slept I would put my hand on her chest, or a finger under her nose to make sure she was still breathing. At night, I would basically sleep with one eye open knowing that at any moment she might need to eat or be changed, or just be held. For me, getting up for the multiple midnight feedings wasn't so bad. The hardest part for the first week was my lack of mobility while still healing.  It was a challenge for me to sit up, let alone get up. I know not everyone feels the same about breastfeeding, but for me, it was more enjoyable than I thought, I felt a real bond between us.  This all came after those initial days/weeks of such pain that every time I would bring her close to latch on I basically cried...but after that, it was a wonderful time.

Back to sleeping - or lack thereof. It's incredibly frustrating to not fully understand what this little bundle of joy needs when they cry.  It's likely one of only a handful of things, but nevertheless, it can wear on you. Luckily, I found that over time Emilie's cry for hunger sounded different than her tired cry, which sounded different than a cry when she was not feeling well or in pain from teething. It was picking up on these subtleties that eased a lot of that earlier frustration.  In reality, while they can't use words to tell you what they want or need, when you pay attention you realize they tell you exactly what they need.

Any time soon-to-be parents would ask me or my husband if we have any advice, the first thing he says his "embrace the suck".  While this might sound like he's a negative-Nancy, he only means that it's a short time where you feel helpless as a parent and wonder "will my baby every stop crying/sleep through the night/not be so gassy" etc.  If you just realize going into those first few weeks and/or months that it's not going to be all pretty flowers and roses, then you will find yourself better equipped to tackle that which we call, "The Newborn Phase" --- think of it as a right of passage!

In the end, it's an amazing time!

Hello World

Bringing home a newborn is an amazing moment for two first-time parents. It's also somewhat terrifying. Those first couple days in the hospital are quite nice, since you get full-time help. Nurses come by to check on you. They take the baby to the nursery if you and dad want to get a little uninterrupted shut-eye (side note to any to-be mommy's out there - DO THIS, it's the last time you'll have uninterrupted sleep in months), they help you to the bathroom, they offer tips for breastfeeding and swaddling. My husband and I were both very new to babies. Neither one of us had any baby experience. Our daughter 's diapers were the first diapers either of us would ever change.

I'll never forget that first night...

I was brought up to the post-partum room around 10 p.m. The nurses helped get us situated and then before you know it, she left the room and I realized "this is the first time our little family is alone together."  We had Emilie go to the nursery for a few hours so we could sleep but then when she came back to eat we had her stay. She started crying and my husband got up, only to realize she had her first poop! In the dark, he stood there, no clue what to do but knew he had to do it. We took one brief general class that covered how to put the diaper on, so luckily he got that right!

As we drove home from the hospital with our little bundle of joy in the back seat I remember being so excited and filled with emotion to officially begin our lives as a family of three. The second we got home, I entered her nursery realizing this was no longer just another room, but in fact, my daughter's room. I sat in the rocking chair holding Emilie and couldn't contain my tears of joy.

One thing I was not expecting...all the tears. I have never been much of a crier, but for the first week I felt like all I did was cry the happiest tears of my life. My husband was no better. We would just sit in bed, holding Emilie and just....cry. This little miracle was finally here. After months of wondering what she looked, how big she was going to be, what her cry would sound like, it was all real now.